Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Secret

I really cannot manage NOT creating a blog on random thoughts at all. This is why I created a second one. I have a fashion blog and it just gives me an even harder time to have to obscure certain thoughts in my head.

If I were to keep them in any longer, I would go more insane than I already am.Though life, to me, at the moment is not at all as harsh as it used to be anymore. I am actually starting to enjoy it. I feel the need to share an idea of what I have gone through in order for you to understand how the shallow moments in my life at present all seem like an unreachable experience to me.

I grew up, normally. I was raised well and I was loved. But I never seemed to appreciate anything and ever be content with whatever I get. I saw myself as a dead one, looking for a way out of this hell- like place and live in eternity. I hated everything. I did not believe in love and its capabilities. I did not know how to make friends and I could not care less about anybody. Nobody at all. I thought I would never change. Certain incidents just made me open my eyes and realise that I am still here and nobody knows how much time left I have to enjoy what life has got to offer.

You see, I am sick. I never admitted it to myself, but now that I am, I am recovering.

I saw myself as a strong and independent lady who could overcome any obstacle on her own. I always gave a front that I am a lone wolf. I live alone, and I die alone. I kill every opinion on optimism and happiness in an instant and shut people off because of how dark I think. Now, I am learning to use my knowledge on these things, to help others.. and most especially, myself.

I am a young lady in search for something magical. I grew up to have a very open mind and taught myself to believe in whatever I wanted, to do what I want, when I want to.

But now, I want to face reality. I do not live in a nightmare, neither do I live in a fairytale. I am an innocent teenager who could be wiser than I already I am. I want to learn and discover something amazing each and everyday. My goal in life is to realize all the realizations and dream about every dream until the time I have left to live is like that of a blink of an eye.

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