I created angstyartichoke because I want to keep reminding myself how my life is continuing to get better and not stay rotten like before. I want to be able to jot down new moments in my life that make me who I am now and that the past is better left in the past, for my life at the moment is better than it has ever been.
In my book, partying, sneaking out, lying, disobeying, cursing, disrespecting, drinking and doing other illegal things are dead. Long dead. I discovered something to help myself become a better person. I taught myself to love. Love everything that I encounter, and enjoy every moment of it. I taught myself to smile even at the littlest of things. I learned to love myself and so, I am easily loved back, by my family and my friends. I now, find it easier to rebuild relationships I've lost, and build new ones in every way.
I used to say, "love love love. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing," making people think that I do not care at all. When in truth, all I want is to understand the meaning of it. Nobody wants to be alone. I was just led by fear. I was afraid of failure and rejection. I was afraid to get myself out there because of the risk that I may lose in the end.
I tried to change my ways and at the moment, I am in pure bliss. I still do not care about what other people think, that's for sure. The right amount of good decisions just keep all the good things flowing. The result of all this optimism resulted to me being, luckily, in love once again. I thought I was never going to overcome the hurt I felt before. I was absolutely wrong. Time is the only thing I needed. And I would not wish to go back to the past and change anything.
I do not mind if I was born 2 years late. I do not mind being in college and going to open parties once again. Everything was meant to be this way, if it werent, I would not be in this state...
There's this boy. I loved how he'd tell me that he never expected this to happen. I loved how he only saw "us" in his dreams and never saw how it could actually come true. I simply loved how he would tell me about his plays and ways. How he would innocently share his fantasies. How he would brag about being tough and manly. I loved how he would make me smile evertime, because of sweet nothings. How he never failed to make me laugh because of implying that he was funny. How he taught me to enjoy every single day I spend with him. How he unintentionally never made me feel that we would just stay friends. Most especially, how he taught me to love someone more than I could have, again. I love him for everything he is. I love him for being superficial and not the typical I would go for. I love him for being an asshole at times. I love him for being a generally great guy with a bad and mysterious front, because then theres something that always leaves me wanting more. I love him for making me realise that love really is blind, that I shouldnt care less about how we get along, as long as we know we want to. I love him for making me stop fearing that tomorrow, my heart will be broken again, that he can be trusted with his words. I love him for being the player and the jerk I was able to turn into someone as lovely as he is now. I love how he looks at me with his gorgeous eyes and smiles very sweetly with them. I love how I can spend every single day with him and not ever get tired of it, how I can be completely be who I am around him and still be appreciated as much. I love how I could be spontaneous and generally happy without complications and having to think ahead too much. I love how amidst the generation gap, he understands me perfectly. How he protects me and gives me the exact amount of care that I need. I love how I never seemed to understand how I still care for him as much even after knowing that he loves me too. I love how I just cannot manage losing him. I love how he has the power of turning me into a humongous cheesecake when were alone. I love how he is able to make me change my ways and still be the same person I was when I was by myself. I love how he never stops me from doing what I want yet would show me how much he cares. I love how he tells me that he is happy whenever I am, because secretly, it goes the same with me. I would not have him any other way.
It's funny how I am posting this for the whole world to see and I don't seem to be ashamed of letting everyone know that the mermaid has found the anciant mariner she's been looking for since the day her feet stepped on land.