Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Biggest Mistake

I have learned that love is not how you forgive, but how you forget
not what you see, but what you feel, not how you listen, but how you understand.
And it's not how you let go but how you hold on.

You taught me how to live, to love, to laugh.
You also taught me how to cry, yet not how to forget and say goodbye.

I think of you with every waking moment of my life,
and dream of you with every dream I have.
Now I realize, since I can't get you out of my mind
I think you're supposed to stay, and let the "one", be someone I don't ever need to find.
The same goes in my heart,
where you'll forever be, where you have been, from the start.

I don't really know the full dimensions of forever,
but I do know it would not be enough if I were to spend it with you.
Because the first time I saw you, I knew it was true,
that I'd love you forever and that's what I will do.

Today and always, beyond tomorrow,
I need you beside me as my best friend and lover.
Always and forever,
we are made for each other.

Until the oceans dry, until the sun dims,
I will keep loving you, forever and for eternity.
because you are my dream come true, from now until the end of time,
Ill give my heart and soul to you, I know I want you to always be mine.

From now on, I will not let doubts lose the magic of love,
I want you to know that it's not everyday that I'd meet someone
with the power to make me fall in love.

Though you may never know how much I care or how important you are to me
just bear in mind that letting you go is something I would regret for all eternity.

How much I love you is not based on the hugs and kisses
and the ILY's and IMY's,
It's based on the chills that hit every part of my spine,
when I think of you all the time.
Now I'm aware of how much I care,
I'm here with you forever and I know that's just fair.

What matters is not who you are to the world, but who you are to me,
and it's not how many times you say "I love you" but how much you actually do.
Your love for me doesn't just fill my heart, it overflows into my whole body and soul.
I was wrong to ask for so much from you, I always lose control.
I know it's me, who lacks a lot,
and I want to better to be worthy of your heart.

I'm taking the risk, I'm in for a ride.
I stepped on my fears and swallowed my pride.
If you still want to be with me forever
I say yes and there is no need to worry,
for I know our life, and our love, will be a never ending story.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I Can Do Thisss

My life long dreams (yea, I'm just bored):
- Soap Opera Prinsipessa
- To star in a blockbuster hit
- To do an Indie film that will get a part of the Cannes Film Festival, or anything to that extent
- To have my face on billboards all over Metro Manila*
- To be on the cover of leading magazines in the Philippines*
*I just sounded vain, yea?
- To be a VJ on TV (duh)
- To do a really super cool Horror film
- To do TVC's by high paying commercials (i.e. Pond's, any brand of shampoo, coke, lotion)
- Attend NY Fashion Week and other FW's around the globe
- Travel all over the world!
- Finally be able to put up my own line of clothing
- To own the hippest, funkiest "bachelorette-ish" pad in town!
- Finish College for Christ's sake!
- Play my dream roles on TV/ film (i.e. Lorelie-- since Dyesebel was recently done, Marimar is now out of the question, Jesse Hahn of Fullhouse, Dorothy of Wizard of Oz, Juliet Capulet of Romeo and Juliet, and many many more)
- Publish my own Magazine
- Take a journalism course somewhere in Europa

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Let Justice Prevail

In the past days I have been feeling so good about myself. I guess it's because my life was slowly getting back on track, in terms of being on the verge of accomplishing one of my ambitions. Being able to work again and all. I was feeling the stress and being tired a lot, at the end of the day would make me feel so relieved and happy, knowing I am productive again and content. Though since the past few days, something has been making me feel as though I am such a failure at the only thing I offer my life to. If they only knew, how I was before, and everything I've sacrificed for this. In a way I believe, that giving up other things I enjoyed doing, could be a good proof that I really want to do this and I really am dedicating myself to this job. Being in the showbiz industry is a tough way of life. That is one thing I have learned from the 1st year that I have been part of it. As my father would say, "this is a very tough yet beautiful industry".. that no matter how hard it is to survive, you'd keep going on and on until you actually accomplish something. That, now, is what I believe in. Being that this is what I want to do right now, I know for a fact that I will NOT give up. I just hope and pray that they let justice prevail in the end. I am not an idiot. If I am not fit for this job, I should have stopped forcing myself from the start.

This could have just remained a frustration to begin with. I admit that I have committed a mistake or two in the past, but I know very well how sorry I am, and that those are the things I regret most in life-- Taking a rare and wonderful opportunity, yet not realizing how lucky I am and taking the chance for granted (staying fat and ugly in Prinsesa ng Banyera); and giving up so easily on something I promised I had wanted to do (PBB Teen Edition 2). Now, if what's going on with me is karma, please, please, I have been deeply wounded already by what I have done alone. I know that I can do this knowing, I want to be here because this is where my heart is. Why is it that I can never succeed in anything I do here? Why do I have to be continuously hurt? Why is it that the one thing I want and love to do the most, cannot want and love me back? Why do people have a hard time liking me and acepting me as a common face on the television? Let there be a miracle, oh Lord, because whatever happens, I will keep on chasing after my dream and I believe in the power of faith and love.

Years ago, I could've just let go of this dream. Given the opportunity to go to a good college and learn. By now, I would have been one of the most promising designers or a stylist like Rachel Zoe. I may be in school at this time taking up Psychology or something. But no. As stupid as my I may sound, I chose to run after my NUMBER 1 DREAM, rather than stick with the ones I may have the skill in, but not as much, THE HEART. Given an opportunity to be in this industry is a once in a lifetime chance that I will never let it pass. At least not anymore.